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Thursday, August 19, 2010

The Boondock Education

White imperialism is just as rampant as ever. Every episode shows the white man one-upping black folk, in one way or the other. Don’t believe us? Examine the season finale of the show’s third season where the corrupt realtor Ed Wuncler, Sr., Gin Rummy and his grandson Ed Wuncler III walk away… no harm, no foul, after plotting a terrorist attack.

Colorism is still a hot button issue. Look at all of the women that granddad has eloped with or has taken out on nice candle lit dinners. They all have one thing is common: they are all racially-ambiguous, slim, light-skinned women with straight hair. Another example, anything that comes out of Uncle Ruckus’ mouth.

It’s even harder when you’ve made it. Notorious B.I.G. had it right the first time, “Mo’ money, mo’ problems.” Robert Freeman took his boys Huey and Riley out of the ghetto and brought them to Woodcrest, getting them away from the noise and the peril of the inner city. But constant pressures from egotistical Hurricane Katrina injured kinsfolk, rowdy ghetto blaster jamming gangsta rappers and nosy neighborhood watch creepers, its hard to really too keep your head up when everyone around you is trying to bring you down.

Big Brother does exist. Flagrant federal agents aren’t the only thing you should be afraid of, but being tapped and even chased by some Orwellian corporate supergiant… now, that’s scary.

Nigga Moments are an epidemic in the black community. Often irate black people encourage other logical and non-confrontational black people to throw their lives away at the chance to square off at the moment’s rage.

BET is completely out of touch with their audience. Referenced in an episode, the world domination of “Black Evil Television” is composed of coming up with devastating blows to the black community via racist, minstrel televised shows.

Non-racist white people exist. The black community is paranoid of discovering white people who are not an aficionado of nepotism; bare no racial abhorrence and or ethnic chauvinism. It’s like finding a unicorn.

If you’re mixed, you’re black and that’s that. Jazmine Dubois, the naïve, cherub faced biracial sweetheart of the series and possibly Huey’s love interest, struggles with her multiracial identity. Much to her chagrin, the boys make fun of her at first when she denies her black heritage.

Rappers tattletale on themselves. Don’t believe us? Look at rap super star Ganstalicious, when he day in and day out comes out to a blank stare audience that idolizes him. His clothing line, while “hot” is effeminate and comes complete with backless daisy duke chaps and pearl necklaces. He has a No. 1 hit titled “Homies over Hoes” and its accompanying music video features overt homoerotica. It’s even suggested that his crew are very “close.” Yet, no one believes this until a gossip tabloid by a superficial, Superhead-esque video vixen outs him.

Pimps aren’t the best people to ask for advice. Look at the episode “Tom, Sarah and Usher” where A Pimp Named Slickback bitch slaps assertiveness into the mild-mannered Tom when his wife Sarah allegedly leaves Tom for R&B crooner Usher. The result: Tom is beaten to a pulp by Usher’s posse.

Pay more attention to soul food and health problems. In the episode “The Itis,” there are corrosive consequences when Robert Freeman opens up a restaurant and sleepover style chill spot. Earlier in the show, protagonist Huey Freeman analyzes the film Soul Food and notes that after the grandmother has passed, the family continues you eating the food responsible for her imminent demise.

People lie about themselves on the internet. Several times throughout the series, we’ve seen super-hot suicidal ninja assassin love interests invade their home; celebrity sensei divas with inflated egos get one over on the Freemans and several other shenanigans. However, the computer is still our friend. After all, it did solve the whole Catcher Freeman dilemma and helped Huey and the family from avoiding the Fried Chicken Flu.

Prostitutes are faster than a Kenyan track team in heels. When he appeared in “Guess Hoe’s Coming to Dinner,” A Pimp Named Slickback tracks down Cristal, a prostitute that he is pimping, who has fallen in love with the Freeman lifestyle. Counting down at the front door, he walks to his car, gets in and begins to take off. Though he is driving at the speed limit, she keeps up with him, her clear heels click-clacking the entire way.

If you pay attention to rap lyrics you’ll become smarter. Hip-hop icon Thugnificent and his senseless Denny’s-employed protégé Leonard look up DIY vids on Youtube for the ingredients of crack cocaine after he is dropped from his label. Luckily for them, they have rap videos and Wikipedia on their side. Ready to deal, Thugnificent steps out into the streets with a premium batch and second-rate fried batch, despite having a bachelor’s degree.

Always read your contract. In one of the earliest episodes “The Block Is Hot,” against the wishes of Huey, Jazmine sells out her successful lemonade stand to Wuncler Sr., for the price of a pony. Her brilliant idea of putting up a lemonade stand during a heatstroke in the middle of winter is blotched when she barely makes a profit and actually winds up in debt. Wuncler Sr. gets away with it… as usual.

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