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Thursday, January 7, 2010

New Years Resolutions for 10 Rappers

With the excitement of a new year is in the air and the calendar flipped to 2010, now is the perfect time to look ahead and set some goals for the future. I attempt to get into the head of 10 rappers and make some hypothetical New Year resolutions.

Lil Wayne
I resolve to put down the Styrofoam cup just long enough to focus on that masterpiece bubbling inside me. (In return, we, your fans, will pretend that Rebirth never happened)

50 Cent
I, Curtis Jackson, hereby resolve to make myself relevant again without resorting to petty beefs or formulaic rap records. I also resolve to leave other people's family (especially kids) out of my petty beefs.

Trick Trick
I, Christian Mathis, resolve to respect people regardless of race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation.

Kanye West
I, Kanye West, hereby resolve to say "goosfraba" five times next time I get the urge to interrupt an award ceremony.

Big Boi
I, Antwan, do resolve to find Andre 3000 and lock him up in the studio until we both have two albums worth of material in the can.

Nicki Minaj
I resolve to slowly but surely develop an identity that's not eerily similar to Lil Kim's. I will also expand my lyrical scope beyond the length of a teaspoon.

Charles Hamilton
I resolve to stop shooting myself in the foot. Also, I will no longer make claims that are impossible to verify, like the one about having a paranormal working relationship with J Dilla.

T.I.
I hereby resolve to look the other way next time I come across a busload of machine guns, no matter how catchy the price.

Nas
I resolve to ignore everyone who says that I'm incapable of crafting another Illmatic. I will remind them that "it's always forward I'm moving. Never backwards, stupid." I will then back this up by making another classic.

Gucci Mane
I resolve to hire a speech therapist at some point this year.

via: henrysblog

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1 Comments:

Blogger ef cuttin said...

LMAO!!! Dope!!!

January 7, 2010 at 11:57 AM  

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